i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
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Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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