can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
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I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
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GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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