Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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