lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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