just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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