I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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