By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
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He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
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Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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