4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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