i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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