i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
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I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
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i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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