Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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