you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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