smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
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If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
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I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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