Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize