Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize