The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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