So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize