I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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