you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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