Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
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You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
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idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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