dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
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At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Let's get the cat blown out
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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