That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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