at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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