TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
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I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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