Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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