I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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