grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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