I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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