I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just want nice things and good sex
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize