I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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