if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
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Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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