apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
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had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
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A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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