So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send help, water and tortillas.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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