talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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