I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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