Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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