I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
True strength comes from lack of pants
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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