We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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