Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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