dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize