He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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