genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
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