The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
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If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
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You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
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