it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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