Texts From Last Night

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  (785): View more from Kansas

  If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up

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  (785): If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up http://tfl.nu/fktn
  Replies (9) Good night (884) Bad night (2727) Order T-Shirt
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.

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  (715): I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis. http://tfl.nu/unom
  Replies (8) Good night (1073) Bad night (3489) Order T-Shirt
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.

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  (586): No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises. http://tfl.nu/ovsh
  Replies (11) Good night (4517) Bad night (557)
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  (510): View more from California

  im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.

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  (510): im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife. http://tfl.nu/itl3
  Replies (10) Good night (3580) Bad night (823) Order T-Shirt
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line

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  (203): Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line http://tfl.nu/4rr4
  Replies (11) Good night (1458) Bad night (4986) Order T-Shirt
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  (212): View more from New York

  It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.

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  (212): It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls. http://tfl.nu/fa0p
  Replies (24) Good night (5481) Bad night (917) Order T-Shirt
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  (407): View more from Florida

  This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.

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  (407): This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper. http://tfl.nu/m3p5
  Replies (9) Good night (2170) Bad night (929) Order T-Shirt
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  (631): View more from New York

  I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.

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  (631): I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend. http://tfl.nu/oodk
  Replies (3) Good night (471) Bad night (2243) Order T-Shirt
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  (631): View more from New York

  My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch

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  (631): My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch http://tfl.nu/rckm
  Replies (6) Good night (1288) Bad night (565) Order T-Shirt
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.

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  (832): Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something. http://tfl.nu/xkf6
  Replies (5) Good night (2013) Bad night (509) Order T-Shirt
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.

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  (586): My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage. http://tfl.nu/u2i7
  Replies (5) Good night (2432) Bad night (428) Order T-Shirt
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  The chlamydia really affected his face.

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  (907): The chlamydia really affected his face. http://tfl.nu/9z0n
  Replies (6) Good night (314) Bad night (1993) Order T-Shirt
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.

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  (215): I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets. http://tfl.nu/wd0k
  Replies (11) Good night (1441) Bad night (698) Order T-Shirt
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"

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  (440): As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today" http://tfl.nu/8gjm
  Replies (3) Good night (606) Bad night (1273) Order T-Shirt
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?

  (1-616): View more from Michigan

  I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.

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  (616): Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries? (1-616): I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex. http://tfl.nu/oahp
  Replies (5) Good night (828) Bad night (188)

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