Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
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i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
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From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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