So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
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so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
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Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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