I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
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I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
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