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don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
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