If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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